Sick, weak, tired of being that which defines me
Want to sleep
Never wake to this again
Eyes watching
Hearts feeling
So encompassed
No repreieve
Deep now
Mask firmly engraved
Longing
Unfeeling
Want quiet
Solitude
Always

do you ever just want to scream?
scream so loud that your lungs vibrate inside your chest?
scream so deep that it brings to tears to your eyes?
not scream at anyone or anything
just scream
scream out all of the frustrations that have wrapped themselves around your soul
scream out all love and hate of yourself in its perfect imperfection
scream out the pain and the pleasure and the utter disappointments
scream yourself out until your voice is no more
scream until you can't feel the hurt and sadness
scream

I tire of it
I tire of you
I need more
I need less
I loved you
I can't stand you
I need something
I need nothing
I want you gone
I want you close
I have my dream
I have my nightmare
I am here
I am gone
Truth is, I've been gone for a long time now
I was never here

In the use to be's

the smell of stale cigarettes and beer floating in the air with the mingling of desperation drenched sweat Kenneth Cole meet me out back for a line and some time....all to the rhythm of a hearfelt rendition of Jeff Healy's Angel Eyes. Me, cigarette in mouth, shooting pool, coasting on the melt with my black knee high boots and mini skirt...keeping a watchful eye on the DJ. 

I see it. So tangible. I can taste it. The unraveling. Everything ever so slowly.

I try to stop it. Holding the spot so tightly that my fingers ache. Please stop.

Those things. They beckon me. Quiet screaming calling out to me. Shhhh.

I can't face it. The light blinding. In denial. No, it can't be. All the lies. There.

Why? Again and repeatidly. Tell the truth. Keep your sorries. Not again. No.

I will run. There is no where. Try to hide. It comes seeking. Go away.

Now I hurt. Deep inside me. All this pain. It is too real. Let me go. No it won't.

Stuck in the labyrinth. There's no exit. Here I go. Again.