A Painting for Nicky

I'm at Tule Springs Park sitting next to a spring fed pond at a picnic table. It's a really beautiful day. Let me paint the picture on the canvas of your mind for you.
Most of Vegas is a red dirt landscape with rocks of all sizes replacing the normal green plants you're use to. The dry wind blows through the sage and lavender bushes coloring the breeze with sweet fragrant purple blooms that seem to almost dance to their own unheard music. It's an odd kind of beauty so different from the lush green landscape of Florida. The sky here is so big. It's almost like it stretches from here to eternity and back. Far enough away from the city's center that you can almost forget about the big, garish buildings with their cold steel jutting from all angles out of the ground. Forget about the bright lights and the vomit of neon advertisements that flood the senses. Forget the hookers, the pushers, the feather covered dancers, and the magicians that will make your soul disappear if you let them. Here those harsh scenes give way to beautiful mountains that The Artist of all has lightly dusted with welcoming, almost beckoning, white heaven-like snow. The breeze has a bit of a bite to it. Just a little nibble is taken on your lungs with every breath, just enough to remind you that you here and you are alive. The air here is clean and filled with the scents of cactus blooms, pinon, ripe coconuts, and palm dates. The perfume on the breeze gently whispers stories of some far off Saharan Palace. Where beautiful, dark haired women dance in mesmerizing rhythm, enveloping you in a dazzling spectacle of color and secret forbidden pleasures. There are low grassy knolls that gently roll down to the spring's edge. The hills are reminiscent of the lovely body shape of a very voluptuous woman who has just laid down briefly for some rest and instead was caught in an eternal slumber. With every exhalation of her breath, she gave birth to groves of pine trees that are swollen with their fat, round pine cones issuing forth their thick memories of Christmases gone by scent. Her deep intake of breath draws to this place the water from within our Mother Earth. She fills the ponds with cold, bone chilling, life giving fluidity. Even in the stifling heat of a Las Vegas summer, these waters remain almost glacieral. Right under the calm surface of this sky mirror, there is a fresh water world that is teaming with life. With a well baited hook, one may even catch a fish tale worthy of rivaling Captain Ahab's telling of the quest for the great, white, Moby Dick. The sounds of children laughing, geese honking, and of birds singing create a soothing lullaby that envelopes you in a calm embrace similar to a mother's arms comforting her beloved child. This place, alive with enough alliteration to write a million poems, is where I sit alone. I sit here, all alone, immersed in thoughts and memories of you played for me on the movie reel of my minds eye.

Mirror, mirror on the wall

i fucking hate you. i hate the way you make me feel you make me want to severly hurt you you drive me crazy you with your lies and exaggerations you with your bullying and faking i fucking hate you your voice alone makes me feel sick the sight of you makes me want to turn the other way i hate the way that you are i hate the way you look with your box like shape i hate that you try to control me with your manipulations that you treat me like im less than you like im just a stupid dumb kid i hate the way your blank eyes stare at me so void of any feeling i want to pound your face to pull your hair out to slam you repeatedly against the wall till you pass out from pain and loss of blood i want to make you feel all of the pain that you make me feel that you've made me feel my whole damned life i hate you so much.

Where Am I?

you're pushing me away
the tighter you pull the reigns
the further away I get

you're pushing me away
I already feel cornered
my muscles tense

you're pushing me away
you tell me to talk to you
but you don't really hear me

you're pushing me away
you say and pretend to be
one way, but it's a lie

you're pushing me away
you say that you care
you do about perception

you're pushing me away
you claim to want to help
but what you do is hurt

you're pushing me away
I restrain myself so much
so as not to catch your attention

you're pushing me away
you want me to share with you
it's really just arming you with ammo

you're pushing me away
keep holding me and
one day I will be gone

you're pushing me away
I'm closer to you now
Yet so far, far away

you push me to far
I wont be able to
come back to this space again

I won't want to