Gatekeeper

Cloudy skies are what's always above me
Streaks from the sun do break through now and then
Most of my days it seems darkness surrounds me
Try as I might, the light rarely gets in

For years now I've struggled to find any meaning
To all these delusions that life seems give
I've hidden, I've masked them, I've tried to escape them
Sleepless nights crying not wanting to live

As time went on, the fight slowly left me
Broken and beaten, and I failed to care
I gave in to darkness, I gave in to temptations
Consumed with a self hate that was difficult to bare

I walked around like a zombie, like a sad, soulless monster
The life force within me was now way beyond dim
I sat and I wallowed so deep in the mud now
I opened my veins and I let evil in

My loved ones they cried out in hopes I would listen
I picked myself up, still no hope could I feel
The blood that had poured out was now dry and crusty
I began the hard task of seeing what's real

Though my life had restarted and my light was returning
The coldness I felt had somehow become kin
Still searching and searching for what I knew not of
I just hoped that the darkness was gone from within

I hoped and I prayed for someone that could love me
Despite all my screwups and mistakes in my past
The fears that I nurtured for so many years now
Made it difficult for me to build anything to last

Yet somehow through all this, God smiled upon me
He brought me a love that no one could deny
He lifted my soul up from the dark and the rancor
He blessed me with a love that he assured was no lie

Then suddenly with no warning the light inside brightened
All hope I had lost came flooding back in
This man, he was searching, and somehow he found me
He reached out for my hand and my heart he did win

So with faith I face forward no longer with fear now
A long life with him beside me is all that I need
The terror, the sadness, the hate that had filled me
Was now being erased with love's powerful seed

The keys to my heart he has in his posession
He loves me despite all the darkness I've seen
He sheds light to my sadness and makes me feel lovely
I look forward to the day when he takes me as his

I love him, I need him, He is everything to me
The mere sound of his voice, it fills me with peace
To him I'll be faithful with love, life, and laughter
I wish I had known all this time he held keys