Interminable

here i am everyone is asleep the house is dark and there is only the endless humming of the fan to keep me company....that and all of the thoughts streaming through my head and emotions swirling in my heart.
my thoughts my endless ceaseless thoughts always always always drum drum drumming in my head i never have peace i never have silence even when i am sleeping the thoughts cloud my dreams.
my feelings go through this constant upswing and downswing up down up down up down always moving never stopping never coming to that always hoped for plateau of equilibrium.
i am constantly being flooded by a barrage a blizzard a never ending hurricane of thoughts and emotions i try my best to put on a face of calm a smiling mask a poker face a lie of who I am and how i feel.
talk to me they say how are you feeling today tell me what you think show me how you feel let me in i can help let me hear let me see let me know i understand i don't understand just keep it to myself.
i hear them i am screaming inside i see them i am crying inside i love them my heart breaks inside i hate them please don't leave me i am leaving please come find me i show them peace inside i can't stop running running fleeing never ever ever escaping here i am everyone is asleep the house is dark and there is only the endless humming of the fan to keep me company...that and all of the thoughts streaming in my head and emotions swirling in my heart...for eternity it is always this...