There once was a woman from Pluckett...

So full of hate. Hate for myself. Hate for my past. Hate for my present. Hate for my life. Hate the way you see me. Hate that you say you don't judge me, but you do. Hate that you blame me for your own issues. Hate that you don't really see me.  Hate the way I can't talk to you. Hate that you hear and don't listen. Hate that you see me as crippled. Hate that you see me as less than. Hate that you feel you must always hold my hand. Hate that you want me to be this and then are angry that I am that. Hate that you don't notice change in me. Hate that you won't let me heal from my past. Hate that you talk about me like I'm not there. Hate that you still can't trust me. Hate that I can't trust you either. Hate that you use kid gloves on me. Hate that you walk on egg shells around me. Hate that you see me as whore. Hate that you say be free but what you mean is be free in the constraints of this box. Hate that what I manage to share with you gets twisted. Hate who I am in your eyes. Hate that you impose your beliefs on me. Hate that I have to hide myself. Hate that I am constantly editing myself for you. Hate that no matter how you surround me I am alone and lonely. Hate that nothing of what is me, what is mine, what I hold dear, what I think, what I feel is sacred to you- worth keeping private- worth any value. Hate that unless I become like you, think like you, look like you, talk like you, act like you...I am nothing. Hate that I wake up every night crying. Hate that I am bi-polar and that's all that you see when you do manage to see me. What I hate most is that I love you and I actually care what you think, that I only am able to share a tiny little fraction of my pain and struggles with you, and that you will never understand. **I'm done now. Mask back on.** ***Smiles :) Smiles :) Smiles :)