Current mood:
worried
worriedEnding One's Existence
This is going to be completely scatter brained.
A friend of mine tried to end their existence today. The call came into me while I was at work. It was from an unknown number, so I ignored it. Voicemail was left, ignored that too. A second phone call from an unknown number came in shortly after followed by another voicemail. After staring at my phone for about ten minutes, I decided I better listen to my voicemail. It was the distraught voice of a friend who had reached the end of their rope. I was in utter panic. I was unable to leave work, and unable to reach my friend by phone. There was no other recourse for me but to call 911 and send them to my friends side in lieu of myself. Thankfully, my friend is ok, and will hopefully get the help that is so sorely needed. This heart wrenching experience lead me to start questioning myself.
What makes a good friend? I think my definitions are fairly standard. A friend to me is someone who challenges you to be a better person. A friend is someone who is there for you when no one else is, but isn't afraid to tell you that you fucked up. A friend listens to your crap, and tells you their crap too. A confidant, a kindred, a chill partner, a person who is there through the good the bad and the ugly. I think that I try to be the kind of friend that meets and exceeds the friendship "expectations"
So this leaves me with the question of, "Why?" Why didn't I see the signs. Why did I ignore the signs. Why didn't I call my friend more often? Why couldn't I solve my friend's problems? Why does my friend feel that their life is worthless? Why wasn't I a better friend? Why? Why? Why?
I don't have an answer for this. I was there in the only capacity that I knew how to be, and I tried to extend my love and support as best I could. In the end, I had to tell myself that my friend will only get better if that is what my friend truly wants. The anger towards me, I hope will fade, it is going to be a long hard road that my friend will travel alone. I will be there holding a glass of water for when my friend needs it, but otherwise, I have got to stand back and let my friend make their journey on their own two feet.
It is through experiencing and surviving these situations that we learn and grow as people.
"After a while you learn- that love doesn't mean leaving. That kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You begin to accept defeat with your head up and your eyes open. With the finesse of an adult and not the grief of a child. So plant a garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. So that you learn that you can endure, and you are really strong, and you do have worth, and that with every new tomorrow...comes the dawn." -unknown
My prayers and thoughts are with you my friend and all my friends. Please know that if any of you ever need me, I will be there in what ever capacity I am able to be. ONE LOVE ~ Marissa
A friend of mine tried to end their existence today. The call came into me while I was at work. It was from an unknown number, so I ignored it. Voicemail was left, ignored that too. A second phone call from an unknown number came in shortly after followed by another voicemail. After staring at my phone for about ten minutes, I decided I better listen to my voicemail. It was the distraught voice of a friend who had reached the end of their rope. I was in utter panic. I was unable to leave work, and unable to reach my friend by phone. There was no other recourse for me but to call 911 and send them to my friends side in lieu of myself. Thankfully, my friend is ok, and will hopefully get the help that is so sorely needed. This heart wrenching experience lead me to start questioning myself.
What makes a good friend? I think my definitions are fairly standard. A friend to me is someone who challenges you to be a better person. A friend is someone who is there for you when no one else is, but isn't afraid to tell you that you fucked up. A friend listens to your crap, and tells you their crap too. A confidant, a kindred, a chill partner, a person who is there through the good the bad and the ugly. I think that I try to be the kind of friend that meets and exceeds the friendship "expectations"
So this leaves me with the question of, "Why?" Why didn't I see the signs. Why did I ignore the signs. Why didn't I call my friend more often? Why couldn't I solve my friend's problems? Why does my friend feel that their life is worthless? Why wasn't I a better friend? Why? Why? Why?
I don't have an answer for this. I was there in the only capacity that I knew how to be, and I tried to extend my love and support as best I could. In the end, I had to tell myself that my friend will only get better if that is what my friend truly wants. The anger towards me, I hope will fade, it is going to be a long hard road that my friend will travel alone. I will be there holding a glass of water for when my friend needs it, but otherwise, I have got to stand back and let my friend make their journey on their own two feet.
It is through experiencing and surviving these situations that we learn and grow as people.
"After a while you learn- that love doesn't mean leaving. That kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You begin to accept defeat with your head up and your eyes open. With the finesse of an adult and not the grief of a child. So plant a garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. So that you learn that you can endure, and you are really strong, and you do have worth, and that with every new tomorrow...comes the dawn." -unknown
My prayers and thoughts are with you my friend and all my friends. Please know that if any of you ever need me, I will be there in what ever capacity I am able to be. ONE LOVE ~ Marissa
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