Yoda? Where am I?

Sep 11, 2007

Current mood:discontent

Yoda? Where am I?

Wandering, wondering, here in my thoughts. Thinking about my decisions of late. Everything reaches it's point of reckoning and I'm just waiting for my day to come. There seems to be no sense to made or no method to my maddness, and that in itself, is maddening. I like to fool myself into thinking that I live my life, but the truth is that I feel as if I'm letting my life live me. I put up this fictional facade of a person that I want others to believe I am, but I am not the person that they think they see. Besieged by a hail storm of loathing and self doubt. I try to appease this sense of incompetence by portraying this total self confidence. It's all a masquerade to me. Going about life pretending to be who you want me to be. I've done this for so long now, that I think that I have really lost myself this time. Where the hell have I gone, and why did I forsake myself? The answer is in the question. Yeah, right. Unless Yoda is who you want me to be then, "Yes, the answer to your question is." Oh crap, I am lost. Now I'm channeling the spirit of a fictional green creature. Where can I be hiding, and why am I so afraid of myself...whoever I am?


Marissa Hokulani Kamamalu Gibson- Sept 2007