I'm not here for your entertainment

Mar 24, 2007

I'm not here for your entertainment!

I'm not here for your entertainment!!!! Damn, that seems like that's all I'm here for sometimes. Friends are strange like that. When I'm down to have fun and party, I have friends galore, when I need to be down to earth and serious, they disappear. Why the hell is that??? What makes certain people think that they can just take and take and take and never give??? I know that is part of my own shit. I am like my father in that way. I will give until I have nothing, and still find the ability to continue to give. It's my nature. I'm tired of that being my damn nature. I want to be selfish and just think about me and how things effect only me, what I want, how I feel, what I need. I want to not care if I hurt someone's feelings, and for that matter I want to not feel when someone hurts mine. I want to go out and do what the hell I want and not give a rat's ass for anyone else. It gets done to me on the daily. I feel it done to me by someone that I consider to be one of my closest friends. I see it and realize it, but yet, I can't let this friend go. Damn it!!! What the hell, right??? Why can't I be more like the A typical man and not give a crap, and not care who or how I hurt someone???? Again, I know this is my own issue to deal with. And for all you nameless true good guys out there (you know who you are) SORRY for the generalization. I guess that's why I'm writing this down in a blog for all the internet to see. So that way it's out there, gaining tangibility, and I can deal with it, and CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR on it. Things have to change.

Marissa Hokulani Kamamalu Gibson- March 2007